Same Old, Same Old

Not much has been going on lately, so my posts have been halted.

The only thing I really have to say is that I love Esmeralda's facial expressions! They are absolutely adorable, even her mad ones. Also, I have been having a much easier time dealing with her fussing. Sure, they still make me upset because I wish I could do more for her but I'm a lot more patient. I just love her so much. We found a trick that works almost 100% of the time. We walk around with her, bouncing her up and down as we go. Then, while we're STILL bouncing her, we pop a bottle in her mouth.  If she's not moving while we pop a bottle in her mouth, she cries, a lot. So, this is a picture post! Enjoy her as much as I do!

I Don't Know What I'm Doing Wrong

A few days ago I got in trouble with my mom and Pablo, and I'm not really quite sure why.  Esmeralda was screaming bloody murder from 10:00 PM-2:00 AM, and I tried everything I could.  I burped her, changed her, clothed her, unclothed her, opened a window, closed a window, turned on lights, turned off lights, put her in her swing, put her in her bouncy chair, simply held her, rocked her, swayed her, bounced her, left her alone to see if she wanted to be alone, and everything else in the world I don't care to list.  At 1:00 AM, I couldn't take it anymore.  I looked in her face and she stared right back at me crying and it made me feel so bad that her mommy couldn't even do anything for her.  So I gave her to Pablo and told him I was leaving for a while.  I went to the apartments and cried.  I was gone less than an hour and when I came back, EVERYONE in the house was awake, and both of them were mad at me for leaving.  I don't understand.  They both told me that if I needed a break then I could leave for a bit.  Apparently that opportunity only exists when I live at the apartments but not here.  Now I feel like I am a bad parent for leaving.  Finally, she went to sleep at 2:00 AM.

The doctor has put her on Similac Alimentum because the soy formula was not working.  So he has officially diagnosed her with colic.  Apparently, Alimentum is supposed to work for colicky babies.  In fact, on the lid it says 24 hour relief from colic symptoms in most babies. It's been 24 hours, and I do notice SOME relief, but it's not substantial.  The doctor wants to give it a whole week before we figure out if it works or not.  I hope it does because not only do Pablo and I need a break but so does she.  It breaks my heart that she suffers and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

She also screams before and while she's pooping, which is supposed to be common in colicky babies.  The nurse at her pediatrician's office says that some babies just don't like to make bowel movements - that they don't like the sensation or having to push.  She said that they eventually grow out of it.  Other than the usual warm bath, hold her legs to her chest, and push her butt cheeks apart, she suggested giving her an ounce of apple juice now that she is one month old.  I have done it once a day for two days and so far it has lessened.  I think I will do it for two more days and lay off and see if she is able to go on her own without help and without screaming.  

So, hopefully with all this, everyone in this house, including her, can get some relief!

Mommy and I Agree: Daddy's Charming

Where has all the time gone? Esmeralda turned one month old yesterday!  

We have been moved up to my mom's since Sunday, but we haven't finished bringing everything from the apartment yet. We've been doing it slowly because it's hard work with a colicky baby.  Thankfully, I have Pablo to help me most of the time.  If it weren't for him, Esmeralda would probably constantly be in a cranky mood, and I would never get any sleep.  Instead, since he is the most helpful person I could have ever asked for, Esmeralda calms down almost instantly when he soothes her and I get to sleep all night.  My mom asked me why I don't feel bad when asking Pablo for help during the night.  I told her that I do feel guilty, but I also know that he doesn't work right now so I'm taking advantage of it as much as possible because when he goes back to work, I know that it's going to be just me from then on.  Plus, I let him sleep during the day while I take care of her because during the day she is less fussy so it's a lot easier and I can do it on my own. 

Yesterday my mom and I picked up a free swing because the one we had was really old and the mobile was broken, and I wanted a newer, better one because the swing also can usually soothe her if she isn't too far gone in her screaming fit.  She absolutely loves it!  I am very thankful that we found this on Craigslist because this is the one I have wanted the whole time!  Her room at home was an animal theme, so it's perfect.  When we get our new place after my mom's, whether here or in Texas, we'll be able to set her room back up instead of sharing one.

Now that Esmeralda is one month old, I have noticed several things.  She has two different cooing sounds.  One cooing sound represents when she is in a happy mood when you're holding her and engaging in direct contact with her.  She'll coo and smile at you if you look into her face and talk to her.  Of course, that's when she's in her good mood.  The other cooing sound is the one she does right before she is going to start screaming bloody murder.  I'm glad I'm starting to be able to recognize these sounds because we've been able to cut her crying fits probably in half by knowing that it's starting to happen before it gets too bad.  We'll keep getting better at it.  She's also starting to sleep at night rather than using it as her awake time.  Of course she wakes up to eat but she goes back to sleep now, or well, as of last night that's what's happening.  She has been trying to grab her feet lately as well, and one time she did so successfully.  It was so cute!  The last thing I've noticed is how hard she tries to get on her hands and knees when I put her on her stomach for tummy time.  My goal is to build up her neck muscles but instead, she uses that time to try to push herself up and get her knees underneath her.  I'm not sure why! She is only one month old! Why in the world is she wanting to crawl already? Obviously she won't be able to for a long time since she doesn't have the proper muscle build-up, but just the fact that she WANTS to crawl already amazes me.  I hope this indicates that she'll be an early crawler!

Today my dad is coming over to visit with Esmeralda, so I'll be busy giving her a bath and keeping her in a good mood! Speaking of which, she's starting to wake up, so here's to a (hopefully) good day!

Introducing My New Family

The following will be a very long post.  The point of this post is to introduce myself and my life with a little bit of background information so that people will have a better understanding of what my life is like now.  So this one might be a bit boring but I do promise that the rest of my posts won't feel like they are droning on and on because you'll already know the basics. :)

Today: My name is Kendall.  I am a 20 year old formula feeding, interracially engaged but unmarried, disposable diapering, Twilight loving, co-sleeping, vaccinating, Obama supporting, pro-life, non-smoking, non-drinking, pacifier giving, young stay at home mom to a beautiful, mixed baby girl! And that's what I will try to make this blog about.  Occasionally I might go off-topic but I will try to limit those types of posts.

How I got to this point: I was 17 years old and a senior in high school when I met and started dating the love of my life, Pablo. To cut a personal, long story short, we started living together in my parents' houses a month after we started dating because his family didn't care for him.  We went through our last year of school together, turned 18 together (we are only three days apart - both born in July of 88), and started college together.  He quit after two quarters because he was ready to work full-time.  He worked for a car wash until my dad started his business again and hired him.  I continued to go to school, at both a community college and a university, until this last quarter due to really bad pregnancy insomnia.  We were engaged a month before I found out I was pregnant.  Our original plans were to have a nice, expensive wedding at the end of this year but when we found out I was pregnant, we decided to just sign papers at the courthouse and have a huge reception the day afterwards for both of our families to celebrate.  We will be signing the papers on July 31 and having a huge BBQ/potluck on August 1. So here we are. First-time, young parents of a baby girl, named Esmeralda, born on the 16th of February of 2009 weighing 6 pounds and 8 ounces and measuring 20 inches tall.

What it's been like since birth: It has been absolutely, 100% difficult. I never expected being a mother to be easy, but I didn't expect to encounter what we have encountered in such a short amount of time.  My labor was really long, over 30 hours long in fact.  I started having regular, but too far spaced out contractions, on Valentine's Day.  I did not get admitted to the hospital until 1:00 PM on the 15th, and didn't give birth until 1:10 AM on the 16th.  Not only was my labor long, but I ONLY had back labor.  I tried to do it 100% natural, and got 7cm dilated before opting for an epidural after my midwife's and the nurses suggestions.  Since my labor was really long, they wanted me to have enough energy for pushing when the time came.  Luckily, once I was 10cm and ready to push, the epidural had worn off, so I was able to feel the pushing.  This means I did it all natural except for 3cm.  I had to have an episiotomy to help get her out because her heart rate was dropping every single time I pushed and they did not want to have to give me a C-Section.  Unfortunately, I was pushing so hard that I tore the cut they gave me, causing a fourth degree tear.  I am still actually healing form this tear and still have the stitches.  

So I had my baby girl.  Well, we found out she was jaundice the next day.  I was originally going to be breastfeeding but the hospital put her on formula on a bottle to keep her eating because although she would latch on perfectly, she would be too tired from the jaundice to eat.  So she was losing weight but her birthweight was already low even though she was three days past her due date.  At that point, when she was under six pounds, I didn't care how she was eating, as long as she was eating.  So they ended up tube feeding her because she wouldn't take the bottle either.  We were in the hospital for four days, due to the jaundice and my fourth degree tears.  Finally, we got to go home.

We started breastfeeding again, along with the formula feeding through a tube and things started to pick up a bit and get better.  Then I contracted mastitis and had to pump a lot and try to get her to eat but she was still recovering from jaundice and still eating from a tube rather than sucking on anything.  So that made it hard.

Unfortunately, before she was two weeks old, we ended up back in the hospital because I took her in for abnormal fussiness.  They weighed her and she was 'back under her birthweight'. I thought that was odd because she was eating 2-3 ounces every 2-3 hours like I was told she should be eating.  We get to the hospital and found out she was not 6 pounds, 4 ounces like they weighed her at the doctor's but really 7 pounds, 11 ounces.  We knew the hospital scales were the right weight because they weighed me on a different scale without the baby and then with the baby.  However, they still did the blood tests, urine sample, and spinal tap because they saw how she was when she threw her fits.  They did not think it was normal.  Turns out it wasn't normal.  Her spinal tap showed that she had too many white blood cells, which indicated meningitis.  We ended up staying at the hospital for five days having more tests done, cat scans (from an abnormally large bump on her head after giving birth), and waiting for results.  Fortunately, all of the meningitis tests came back negative and all the antibiotics that they were giving her for possible meningitis took away whatever infection she had.  During this time, I had forgotten the breast pump at home, so this is when I actually stopped breastfeeding altogether.  We switched her from Similac Advance to Similac Sensitive and once again, things started to look better.

Back to today:  Then, just yesterday, I took her back to the doctor's because she is still crying all day every day for no reason.  We will feed her, change her, rock her, swing her, sway her, rub her, play with her, leave her alone, and blah blah blah but NOTHING works.  The doctor has switched her to Similac Isomil Advance since milk intolerance runs in my family in babies, but he says the way I describe her crying, he thinks it's colic. So in five days, if the soy formula has not helped her at all, he will then diagnose her as a colicky baby.  I know this sounds really bad, but I will be very happy if it turns out that she is colicky.  Mainly because I started to feel like she hates me because there's nothing I can do that soothes her.  In fact, sometimes I'm the reason she starts to cry and scream on the top of her lungs until she's gasping for air because she's out of breath.  She'll be fine laying down in my arms and then I'll look down at her, and then her face crumples up and she starts to throw her fit.  It's terrible.  So if she is colicky, at least I'll know that she's not crying because she hates me but she's crying because she's irritated and there's nothing anyone can do to make her feel better.  Sure, EVENTUALLY we can calm her down and finally get her to take a bottle and put her to sleep, but it takes HOURS of trying to find the miracle secret that it will take to do this.  It's different every time so we have to hope we are lucky enough to try the right one shortly after her fit starts.

Thankfully, my fiance, myself, and Esmeralda are moving into my mom's this weekend due to the fact that my fiance has been laid off from my dad's work (as well as everyone else because of the economy) since December 31st and he still has not been able to find a job.  Well, I wonder why.  So she is helping us, especially since the baby might be colicky, so that way Pablo can have more time to search for a job because I'll have a bit more help with Esmeralda by her and my brother.  We can stay with her until we pay off one of the credit cards and until I pay off my school for quitting in the middle of the quarter so that I can go back to school. I am currently deciding between a medical assistant program at Everest or a nursing program at the community college across the river.

So here is the start of this blog and wishing myself luck for future posts!